Bali the Second: Now I Know What Running Over a Chicken Sounds Like

We ourselves did not actually drive in Bali. I don't think I would be comfortable doing so in anything less than a tank. For the first part of the trip the dive resort provided a driver when we wanted one, and for the second half the surf school van and taxis got us around.

This being our first time really outside the first world (downtown Rochester doesn't count) we sort of knew that driving was different elsewhere but didn't really understand or believe this down deep. However, after spending numerous hours being driven about Bali, it is fair to say that we now have a meaningful understanding of several important principles of Balinese motor traffic.

Rule 1: The rules are more like...guidelines.

If we put out all sails, can we pass the two overloaded pickups before that cement truck coming down the hill drives through us like a vapor of exploding SUV?

In Bali, legal traffic maneuvers can be easily determined by the fact that you do not in fact die before, during, or immediately following their execution. There are no double yellow lines, protected turns, stop signs, speed limits, or traffic lights, except in a few very developed areas near the capital and even there nobody pays attention to them.

This counts as a highly developed area.

Rule 2: Size Matters
There are three sizes of vehicle on the road. Smaller than you, the same size as you, and bigger than you. Since we were usually in car or SUV sized vehicles, these categories broke down into mopeds, other cars, and cargo vehicles. If you're a car, you can push the mopeds around - onto the shoulder or otherwise out of your way. Mind you, this goes for mopeds in both directions of traffic. If you're a cargo vehicle, you don't ever bother looking for mopeds and concentrate on pushing the cars around. Contests between vehicles of the same size involve willpower and a lot of laying on of the horn. Basically, assume that you're invisible to any larger vehicle but that any smaller vehicles are totally aware of your every move and you'll fit right in.

There is some striking scenery to be seen from the road if you live.

Rule 3: Yes, it CAN fit another person
We saw five people on a moped. Threes and fours were common, but we saw at least one five. I counted more than 20 people in the bed of an old Toyota pickup before we passed it at one point. A bus might as well be a train. Safety belts are not in common use or available, usually, though helmets are pretty common. One does have to wonder though, when you see the father of a family driving the moped, with one kid sitting on his lap, one kid sitting behind him, and mom riding no-hands side-saddle on the back, and the dad is the only one with a helmet, how exactly that protects the rest of them? Another common modification is putting chrome stickers on the windows to protect against the sun. Some people just tint them but a lot of the big trucks totally black out the windows aside from a three inch slit at eye level to see through. So when I said that you should pretend the trucks can't see you, it must be true on a regular basis. Some mopeds are clearly only meant for one person - those are the ones that have been modified for cargo. Seeing a moped with a three-foot wooden box attached to each side is common, and sometimes a whole kiosk will be integrated into a moped so the vendor can just drive the moped to the market and already be completely set up. These vendors generally sacrifice all ability to see behind them when driving.

Above: Balinese Train

Rule 4: Pay Attention & Communicate
Since the road is sort of a lawless wasteland populated by unpredictable death-seeking drivers of highly unothodox and unreliable vehicles, driving is a much less casual exercise than at home. The drivers had to pay constant attention to the road and to make constant decisions about whether it was safe to pass slow-moving vehicles, which abound. Circumstances change rapidly and they need to react. Now, not all drivers are paying attention all the time, and you do not know which ones are and are not. Therefore, the safest thing to do is honk at all of them, all the time. I'm sure they wear out the horns before they need their first oil change. At night, not all vehicles seem to use their lights all the time, and there appears to be sort of a light flashing Morse-type code in use. It is important that the drivers in the oncoming lane know what size vehicle you are so that they can appropriately plan whatever hairbrained maneuver they are considering - a group of mopeds looks a lot like a big truck, except that the truck will not accept being forced onto the shoulder so that you can pass the guy in your lane. Flashing the lights helps establish the relative sizes of vehicles at night. Speaking of lanes, the actual number is 2 pretty much everywhere. The effective number varies between three and five, depending on the proportion of mopeds to other vehicles. Three means one car lane going each way, plus the omnidirectional permanent passing lane in the middle.

More scenery, this time from the jungle half of the island.

So yeah, it was different and much more dangerous and exciting - I'd rather drive with speed limits and mandatory car inspections for my money. It's safer for the chickens too, though we only hit one and it really deserved it. We did a fair bit of criss-crossing the island for different things, which will be gone into in much more detail in later posts, but we don't have that many pictures because by that point we were down to disposable cameras and had limited film. You can see all the Bali pictures in the gallery.